"HOMAM"phobia

To begin with,I am putting this to you as a DISCLAIMER NOTE that this post has nothing to do with any specific religion and issues related to it.
This is once again all about what I went through a few days back.

You know what it is and how it is to be to sit idle and stay focused in a HOMAM or Havan or whatever they call it?
Ok let me share my experience with you.
They say that I look like one North-Indian.
Actually I am a 24-carat Tamilian.(That does not mean that I am an Iyer and a Vegan.I can not survive without meat!)
So it was more like a "Saetu" boy turning in to an "Iyer".
So a few days back,I dedicated a couple of days and nights for the sake of my mom and dad as they forced me to sit in front of some empty brick blocks,which apparently were in different shapes:  From Square to Triangle, Circle to Polygons, Amoebic and "E coli"c(the priests are really the "geeky" people who are fond of Engineering drawings).
I was supposed to sit and sit half naked(dirty minds shut your think box!I meant shirtless)in front of a crowd of 75 probably.Okay I am not any Shahrukh or any Hrithik to show off the innumerable packs and the abs I  have. It is only "Sticks and Bones" out here with what I can promise that my body will be a bony feast for "Spike and Tyke".So they made me to sit alongside them, replacing my shirt with a Poonal which was inconvenient at the beginning,that I was periodically adjusting it over my body like a girl who adjusts her fringe of hair over her forehead.

As I am pretty good with the character sketches,let me describe the group of priests who had been there to screw up my gifted two days of vacation.

There was this Main Priest who was probably the only one in the whole group who was looking like a Priest.

There was this another co-priest who was exactly looking like my college senior."This could be the plight of the engineering students",I thought.

and there was one more who was looking like a typical Villain who comes hanging like a bat by the side of a Tata Sumo in a Tollywood movie.

One more was an old man who would fall off if we switch an "Orient PSPO" table fan to his side.

The other one was looking like a "Rice mart" owner who would really shine in any Tamil "country side" movie in a supporting role,provided he is given a chance.

and there were two "helpers kind",one who had a "moulded ghee" face and the other,whose character sketch is "too mainstream" to be given.
As a starter,I was supposed to repeat what the main priest told.It was more like this among the priest group.

The main priest being the Teacher and the "College Senior" and the "Tollywood Villain" being the First Benchers as they were repeating exactly whatever the teacher said.
The Old man was a Middle Bencher like me who was constantly inconsistent that he will miss what the teacher said and would manage to catch up at the end.
And the Moulded Ghee and the "Too cool to be Sketched" were the Last Benchers who were not giving a damn.
I tried to hold on and on for about 3 mins with the priest but finally ended up repeating my Ex's name over and over,which is apparently a Bi Syllabic name to Sync perfectly with the Mantras.(Could not help it and i really can not forget this thing)
And then the real effect of the Homam began with the empty brick blocks coming to use as it was lit up with fire and I was supposed to throw in some wooden sticks and some unidentifiable herbal plants and fruits inside that,whenever they say "swaha".
I just felt sorry for myself to throw all the "plants out of the gazette" for the fact that they contained all the chemicals which are used in making Bombs.I realized that I just cut the ribbon for a new World War 3 (inside the empty bricks though),inhaling all the air coming out from the Tear bomb explosion area as my poor pair of eyes were becoming reddish and glittery that for some seconds I thought that I am transforming into an Hulk.
I knew the mantras were in Sanskrit as I was listening to them and was trying to get the meaning of it with a little knowledge of Hindi in my mind. But all I got was almost all the names of the girls I knew.(at least that part of the day was pretty much fun)
At one point of time I went to the "heights-of-joblessness" that I started to count the numbers of flowers on the garland I was wearing and the petals present in it.
I think I learnt a lot about patience that day and how one can even keep themselves busy even though when they have nothing to do!and most importantly,how can one be as idle as a koala bear when it is awake.

When I looked at this from a different perspective,it only lead me to the "real me" way as there were only questions popping out of my head.
"You do all these for the sake of Human beings.Meanwhile,You kill the insects around the pit?"
You do all these and your life will turn happy overnight?
Do the gods really want us to do all these?
or Is it ?i.e., this whole things is just our Perception of belief which was made up and made up well over ages?I mean..the "Whole Thing" "
I got up from the roosted place to serve my stomach.

And Yes..

"My Name is Karthik,and I am not an Atheist"

I Am Sorry

Blogging from the place which is my native(not precisely though )..the place where I came out crying,out of my poor mother’s womb, amongst the few doctors who instantly “face palmed” after looking at me crying, when they pulled me out(slow claps for you docs),thus providing an “add on” to their pregnancy success rate.And yes my Grand Mom often used to say me that I was as dark as the "Black Forest" cake when I was born,that my mom literally lost her temper and went on to the consumer court to sue the company that distributed the saffron leaves she was in-taking when I was pretty happily snoring inside her den.(But the leaves had its temporary effect on me later though..)

I was chubby then(when?then..two yrs old),that people used to pull my cheeks out.Unfortunately,as I grew up,it was only my bones that grew up with me,and the cheek flesh which only fattened up in its "Property Of Elasticity" after all those pulls of the “affectionate” people made,just got placed over the bones which is the “so called” flesh of my body.(Just wanted to tell you how healthy i am.) And there is this guy in our college who is pretty much famous among my set(especially girls)with all those chubby cheeks and the “Amul” baby look.So whenever I look at him,I get this trance.Me being a “Chota Mota Cute Little Baby” to a “Bada Lamba Thin(still little) Boy ”.

But why am I telling all these to you ?I should tell you about something that I wanted to tell.

I had been to a place where I usually don’t go,when I come here.It is this ancestral village of our family,the place which is supposed to be remembered till my last breathe .The history of the place which I must carry forward to the next generation.For what i am destined to.

Basically it is pretty simple.There are "two" set of relatives according to the people like me (at least that is the way I see).One,The relations that would make you go “AWW”.Two,The relations that would make you go “EWW”.

Apparently, they are the second set of people as far as I concern and as far as I look at them.Like there are 7 families living out there at the village still. And Sadly,I was forced to visit the “EWW” persons today, considering  them to be the “AWW” ones.

Interesting part,there were certain conditions laid down by my parents on the way to the village.

1.Switch off your mobile phone.(My mind:As if I am boarding a flight to California to visit my Ex. Clean bowled)

2.Keep looking at the ground till they ask you something.(My Counter Side: Yes ,I am a girl who just attended puberty and someone is coming to my house with a marriage proposal.Nice.)

3.If ever by mistake you would look up from the ground,Just keep smiling(Mind:Hey Karthik .. actually they call these people as something in tamizh)

4.Eat whatever they give you(Me:At all 7? okay !I can do that till my grinder accepts the load.But once the limit exceeds..you know)

So they were basically going to show me what a “military school will look like”.

*In to the village.*

”Bye Bye World.May my phone Rest In Peace for a few..umm wait..a day”,I said to myself.

Believe me or not.You can even survive an Earthquake or A Tsunami or whatever..but not my “EWWs”. Still,I did.I succeeded.The moment I inhaled a faint of fresh air,my dad told me this,”one more to go”.

“I am not so weak at mathematics baba , I am good at basics.I can count and it is 7 and over”,I said.

“No,this is one of our family friend and you must come”,he did.

"As "EWWs" as Father",I speculated. 

But I was wrong.

Those people made my day.

I got to see a "pretty much" 50 yr old couple and an 80 yr old great-grandmother type,whose ears if I had peered at it properly,seemed to have undergone my “choti moti” year’s cheek disorder.Obviously,even the African elephant would suffer because of the elasticity,if you carry such weight on your ears.”Kudos Paati ma!”I giggled silently.There were no set of instructions to be followed here and so I was the "too-hyper” me.

(What would a free bird do when it is let out of the cage after a day of exhibition?True emancipation indeed!)

*takes out my phone,FIFA 14*

When I was there at the brink to score a goal for Man U and win it at the extra time(At least,Man U could win it virtually),people were ON with a conversation regarding my Great Grandmother. Okay  Actually, I get excited when I hear my great Grandma’s  name.This is the Great Grandma from the “EWWs'” side.I at least “self-excite” myself when I hear others talk about all the “not-so-convincing” stories of her. Seriously people..all the things she did..u can never be so tricky as her.

But it was only today when I got to know how good she actually was.The way the family friend of ours described each and every frickin good thing about her appealed. The person towards whom I actually grew a grudge upon. A bold lady who is no more with us.

 Guilt and Pure Guilt. I am right now sitting alone at the open space veranda of the house where she lived and writing this to you. I am not a strong believer of ghosts but if I come across one, I definitely will.(But,I get scared like hell,that only the friends of mine who have been to the “ghost house” with me would know)  I have heard people gossiping about the spirit of my Great Grandma going on rounds nocturnally.Its 3.28 A.M.

And if I really would see her,and if I would stay still without fainting out of stroke,this is what I would like to say.

"I Am Sorry."

Title?You need a Title for what my shitty mind thinks?

So I had been to this place where you would see a bunch of retail arms flocking together,hooking upon their customers(mostly chasing out flies).And yes,that place is said to be a shopping mall to be precise.Every time you go with your friends or alone to any clothing outlet,you will definitely end up with just window shopping.(At least I end up that way).If you are a socially extrovert girl you would end up getting some WhatsApp profile pictures for you by trying out some ultra mini skirts inside the trial room.Okay i knew this because I had been to shopping with my girlfriend(s) in the past..Never Mind..

Coming back from my heart wrenching experiences,So today,I had been to this middle class market place with my mom and so I eventually ended up shopping , having my banker with me.

I have always hated my mom.Being a teenager,apparently she was(and she is)my first enemy!!but when she does these kind of things to me..I ll be like "Dear,I would definitely get you a diamond necklace in my first salary."(if i ever get a job)

And yes..the retailer guy who was working at the place where I bought my shirts asked me to put on weight after I told him that I am going to be eighteen in a month.

I was never a malnourished boy.But people!I am still a boy..that is the matter!

And one more thing to jot people..if your mother takes you to get you something really cool..beware.Because,then comes the real winner of her plan.

Women..shop..shop..and shop till they exhaust and faint,bargaining.But I bet you,only Indian women can Bargain even at a fixed price retail outlet.

After all,you have to stay with her for the mere reason that she was kind enough finally to get you something.

And for the reason that you would literally get "self showered" in your own sweat if you leave the mall.And that is Chennai for you.

"But seriously mom..I take back my words of getting you a diamond necklace"I thought.

She was done.Things were done.Time to leave the mall.But wait.Who would prepare you lunch if you return home?

So we decided to dine at the food court over there.

This was the place were the most "self-embarrassing" part of the day happened.

I got myself a Veggie sub and French fries and she got what a typical 70's Tamilian would get even if she is out of her home.Onion Rava Dosa.

I would like to tell you that i am No Vegetarian but i was supposed to diet myself by staying away from my True Love(Non Veg)for a week.

Reason:MOM.

Her reason: Spirituality.Tradition.

I dont even get the point of what tradition has to do with this.

"And why the hell should I stay away from my meat for your cause?"I can only think,but i can never tell it to her.

You know,"Indian Mothers" is such a stereotype,and I should really write on it sometime later.

Back to the Scene.

Finding a cucumber slice inside the "VEG" sub irked me even more.

That was when i decided.No more Vegan subs.I would prefer a mini meals for that.

Okay here comes the "Hot" Factor! Hot chicks all over the food court.

But god?why cant they just stay at their respective homes..?like why should this happen today?when I am eating just to fill my appetite?and when I am with my mom?

So am I supposed to feast my mouth with the cucumber slices and broccoli legs without feasting my eyes, looking at some impeccable beauties?

"Bye Bye Chicks..leave the court I say!"I barked in my head!

So somehow I was done with my "Healthy" Sub.Headed to the Washroom.And returned back only to find the chicks out of the place.

But there were cute little toddlers..babies and babies all over!

"WTF?chicks can even give birth in a span of 30 seconds?"I thought.What a Dirty Mind I have!Totally illogical and an absurd thought it was.Pardon me but I desperately wanted to add this..

There was this kid who was seated on a chair so comfortably,having a Chicken Lolly pop in her hand and a plate of Plain Noodles in front of her,without knowing how to eat it.She seemed to be a kid of Japanese descent..but in our country,we even refer the middle east people as Chinese or Japanese..err..no racist thoughts please..

This doll was so innocently watching her mother eat with the "I-do-not-care" condition of what was going on around her,in her mind.

She was that kind of kid with whom i thought,if i would take a selfie with,would earn me comparatively more likes for my profile picture.(look how thoughtful i am!)

There was again an other kid who was sitting right behind me and having a chocolate chip flavored cone ice cream in a way,if we had,we would be permanently sealed as nuts.

And there was this kid who was torturing his dad for something that i do not really remember.

And again there was this barely months old baby who was crying continuously for again something that humans will never understand.

And there were even more a dozen of kids around,who were available for the head count,but were always away from my vicinity to note what they where exactly doing.

These were running down on my head after observing those real "Cool Dudes"

"Children,toddlers,kids-look how happy they are!

with that "i-do-not-give-a-damn-about-anybody" attitude

with someone who is there for them 24x7 to help them out

And yea,they cry to get something what they need,from their parents.

(At least,they have some trick to convince their parents to get what they want)   

Menacing the place all over..hearty laughs..cheeky smiles..

But We the grown ups-Yes we got priorities in our lives.Goals.

Some people like me,live with that "why-does-no-one-give-a-damn-about-me" attitude.

Wishing to have someone to help you out,to guide you out,even though you know that you are grown up enough to think wise and to decide and work out your plans to get what you need.

Why do humans grow up?Why cant we look at the world how these children look?

Without greed?vanity?pride?jealousy?lust?Why cant we be satisfied with something we get what is destined for us to get?"

As i left,I wished that at least these children could remain the same as little kids,without growing up.

At least let them live in this world how we are supposed to live and how GOD wants us to live.